my heart heavy
weighted
with a love
i was not yet strong enough
to hold
all i wanted
was to grow old with you
sip mint tea
under the stars
swing on the porch
listening to the lull of the cars
on the highway
smiling
reminiscing
about moons that waned
while our souls rained
childhood dreams
somehow
while i was carving my heart
to fit your key
i lost sight of the me
you needed me to be
and so our love grew grey
and drifted away
and what i wanted you to say
was that no matter what
it'd be ok
we'd be ok
but that's not the way it works, is it?
shit happens
vows break
who woulda known
that an innocent mistake
might take us out of the fold of forever
turning a lifelong endeavor
into yesterday's news
i'd like to believe
we choose our fate
that as we grate bone
to fill fleshy fears
tears might bleed us back to clay
i laugh
seriously
who would stay
to wade through knee-deep madness
who would have enough patience
to bear the weight
of static sadness
who wouldn't run
at the first sight of silence
who wouldn't break free
from chains that only stain
sentiments better suited for postcards
alone i stay
collecting shards of half truths
painted just the way i like them
sparkly
sharp
slivers of hope
that still sting when I breathe
and all i can do is believe
clench fragments of dreams
crazy glue promises we made
to the blades i hone chaos with
wrap myself in your voice
make the choice to sever
to weather the storm inside my gut
and for all but a moment
of false sanity
not regret stripping myself down bare
and as i prepare to take my leave
careful not to breath
the dust of my own devastation
without a single moment of hesitation
i walk away
into the darkness of light
no longer willing to fight
for this
eyes closed
as the distance between us grows
i blow you one last kiss
from my heart
so it is
that we must part
start to live again
heal the wounds of want
holding tight to the hope
that one day
we’ll free ourselves
from ego chokeholds
and learn be friends
again
