Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Standing in the Sun

connecting the dots of days gone past 
scattered memories stand in line
distorted shadows linger behind
behind me is where I hide
in a tiny room
in a tiny box
with a pen and sheet
scratching out words that lied
lies telling tales of dangerous dreams
I dream of the day I will awake
from clouds of hate
into rays of now
I am standing in the sun
terrified to move
taunted by whispers of soft curls and playful giggles
fragile bubbles blown through a smooth pink wand
I am standing in the sun
somewhere between safe and soiled 
visions coiled in dark knots
I shout 
no sound comes out
my soul pleads
my unhealed wounds tear
through the invisible spaces
the loops
the holes
a way out
I am standing in the sun
to let unfamiliar warmth penetrate my shell
to tell
of secrets holding me my by the throat
I navigate my aging hands through magical specs
specs of hope that dance cautiously in the light 
in their freedom I delight
for a single moment I wipe
my tears
I draw draw near 
to the young girl who appears
in the darkness of the night
I am standing in the sun
I open my eyes 
hold out my hand
to catch the falling flakes of snow that shatter my assumptions
I close my hand and clench
my fist with all my will
each snowflake melts away in me
from me
run clear 
through my intense grip
Take hold! I demand
Take hold!
I am standing in the sun
no longer looking for a place to run
freeing my mind from a magnificent obsession
alone in me
I am beginning 
to see
the light

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