Saturday, January 28, 2012

bittersweet scars

you were never
 really with me
your mind
 always racing
to far off places
the many faces
 of poetic impulse
lured yourself
 into the rabbit hole
where you stole a taste
of someone else's reality
simple love cannot compete
with the bittersweet scars
 we carve with words
when all we long for
is to be heard
 of violent voids
that bleed marrow
to dust
lacing lament
with the kind of lust
that thrusts us
 into flames
of futility 
 i wait by that hole
peeking in 
reaching in
into silence
 at the rust
that corrodes
my heart
i start to wonder
if you’re ever coming out

© jd 

Saturday, January 14, 2012

the answer

fierce winds blow
sins deep inside
self destructive souls
self loathing minds
to places prayers dare not fold
fantasies fray
where temptation’s sold
scalpers inflate
egos rise
we row our reasons
we know our kind
quick circumcision
of fears that bleed
I’m the only one I’ll ever deceive
tangled tricks
pick up sticks 
a dangerous game
of squandered shame
one wrong move
foundations sway
lose a turn
lose a life
lose yourself in blame
simply refuse
to answer his call
that’s his job
to make you fall
to poison your palette 
to blind your ears
to busy your todays
with yesteryears
that may never come
and if we busy our todays
on the run
from ourselves
from Truth
from silence
we may never hear
the answer
© 2012

Thursday, January 12, 2012

unadulterated beat

he wrapped my bleeding heart
in a fine piece of gauze
gently placed it next to his
and in that breathless pause
between life and death
his heart covered mine
with a delicates skin
his love
clearly sent from the Divine
with one unadulterated beat
my tear stained gauze fell to the floor
our hearts now beat as one
and mine does bleed no more

Monday, January 9, 2012


that neat stuff
that turns rough exteriors
into a soft places to rest a while
leaving us feeling a little less inferior
cuz now we’ve got something to cushion the fall

Saturday, January 7, 2012

the ethos of my love

forgive me
for i know not how to love
at least not the way poems tell you it should be done
or the feel-good hollywood way
all i can say is i’m sorry
to myself
for not finding this out sooner
the cat’s clawed its way out of the bag
spilling missiles 
of false selves and fragile egos
and as far as the ethos of my love goes
it goes like this
i’ll always have my hands clenched in fists
and my sneakers on
doesn’t matter how right it feels
my heels are already halfway to hesitation
i haven’t figured out how to love you 
without losing me
i wish i could love less
give less
want less
be less
but regardless
of this folly
i am
i am more
i want more
i deserve more
i give more than any woman in her right mind ever would
mind you
who said anything about a right mind?
the bottom line is
i love
and when i love, 
i love with all i’ve got
i pull out all the stops
and then some
i come undone before the fat lady’s sung
i become the disappearing woman in act two
until all that’s left is the “you” in this equation
can you blame me though?
for holding on this tight?
for not being able to sleep at night without touch?
when you think about the kind of love i’ve never known,
do you really think I’m asking for too much?
when every tender moment i’ve ever felt 
has slipped like grains of sand
through the hands of innocence
when every grown up who should’ve left a blueprint
of how this is supposed to unfurl
left me to bleed silent prayers
only to wake with swollen eyes and fear-soaked curls
i’m asking you hear me
to hold my hand and guide back to my path
and when i’m unable to tell myself the truth
i’m leaving that to you
to whisper
remind me
this isn’t about 
that the only way out
is the way i came in
and if i’m ever to love

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

glass slipper and a howling heart

midnight has come
so have i
to the conclusion that some eyes are better left undotted
unless you've spotted the moon's metaphor 
long before the hand strikes
the likes of which are far and few
yet somehow i always knew i'd find my place under the sun
for every glass slipper there is the one perfect fit
and for every battered belief there is a tiny slit across the left ventricle
higher pressure
more muscular
thicker blood
thirstier flesh
do you dare look into darkness seeking light?
or dip your tongue into the chaos of the night?
only the brave few
as the earth bends herself into prostration
approaching her perihelion
elliptical orbit
fashioning seasons out of stardust
swaddling intimacy in layers of lust
the heart howls as the moon’s womb swells 
bearing the distance between heaven and hell

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

two days

my lips navigate this heart 
through torrential pain
seeking to relearn the motions once again
i mouth your words
mostly in silence at night
when i’m too tired to fight
and too afraid to lose sight of why I surrender my fears into midnight’s mourning
has become a dirty word
in every peek i sneak of my scars you bleed 
your eyes are heard
i close mine
begging my mind to stop the rhyme
searching for the button that might break time’s hold
to loosen the grip just a bit
so i can fold myself back into you till Dawn deliberates 
i run my fingers
up and down
my ache
i fake pleasure
i mistake moments for an eternity
my limbs take turns
scouring memories
staving off starvation
it hasn’t even been a whole two days

Monday, January 2, 2012

let it go

when the walls come tumbling down
resist the urge to the sound the alarm
disarm the need to control
the soul, unattended, always knows where it's next meal is coming from
let it go
let love do what it does when hands are tied
let the mind abide by no rules
only fools feast before the fast
nothing lasts forever
everything lasts for now


when the sparks from a new found love start to settle, and shared moments of stillness are what you look forward to the most, 
it's time to undress
it's time to undress our souls, unveil the dark holes, reveal the last few secrets that hold us by the throat, knowing there is no going back
cuz if this is real enough, and we're both brave enough to love ourselves enough to feel enough, the comfort we provide one another, is more than enough
enough to call the bluff of the inner child, threatening to scatter the neatly piled stack of fears, tantruming terrified tears, we switch gears
to make love last, till scars fade real fast, we stand our insecurities in rows, and like dominoes, the intensity grows till it's time to begin again
looking into each other, shining scuffed mirrors, surrendering our shields and spheres, the war's over, it's time to go home

broken mirror

there are moments I sit completely bare/ completely still/ in the sun/ with my pain/ by the pane/ eyes closed/ heart open/ and I listen/
hair flowing down my back/ tears flowing down my cheeks/ down my chest/ I rest my soul in thoughts carried away on the gentle breeze/ I release/
I breathe in the sweetness of wholeness/ of love/ of light/ of faith/ embracing my fears with the courage only a woman can know/ i exhale/
limbs light/ heart a flight/ I set sail/ hear the distant wail of a small child/ a girl/ getting louder and clearer/ she begs to be heard/ I turn to her
I hold out my hand/ we tremble/ sadness weighing her eyes/ she doesn't recognize me/ she doesn't realize I'm breaking glass to set her free/
sometimes you have to stop mid-poem/ to breathe/ to look your child in the eye/ to tell yourself it's okay to cry/ to love and be loved/
you see/ the poem never ends/ it's a collection of your perfect gems/ threaded on the finest threads of life/ your life/ the rhyme can wait/
cuz the truth is/ we hesitate/ to reach a little deeper inside/ we all contemplate/ finding that perfect place to hide/ till we grow up/