bittersweet scars

you were never

 really with me

your mind

 always racing

to far off places

the many faces

 of poetic impulse

lured yourself

 into the rabbit hole

where you stole a taste

of someone else's reality

simple love cannot compete

with the bittersweet scars

 we carve with words

when all we long for

is to be heard

reassured

cured

 of violent voids

that bleed marrow

to dust

lacing lament

with the kind of lust

that thrusts us

 into flames

of futility 

yet

 i wait by that hole

peeking in 

reaching in

steeping

into silence

picking

 at the rust

that corrodes

my heart

i start to wonder

if you’re ever coming out

© jd 

the answer

fierce winds blow

sins deep inside

self destructive souls

self loathing minds

to places prayers dare not fold

fantasies fray

where temptation’s sold

scalpers inflate

egos rise

we row our reasons

we know our kind

quick circumcision

of fears that bleed

I’m the only one I’ll ever deceive

tangled tricks

pick up sticks 

a dangerous game

of squandered shame

one wrong move

foundations sway

lose a turn

lose a life

lose yourself in blame

or

simply refuse

to answer his call

that’s his job

to make you fall

to poison your palette 

to blind your ears

to busy your todays

with yesteryears

and

tomorrows

that may never come

and if we busy our todays

on the run

from ourselves

from Truth

from silence

we may never hear

the answer

© 2012

unadulterated beat

he wrapped my bleeding heart

in a fine piece of gauze

gently placed it next to his

and in that breathless pause

between life and death

his heart covered mine

with a delicates skin

his love

clearly sent from the Divine

with one unadulterated beat

my tear stained gauze fell to the floor

our hearts now beat as one

and mine does bleed no more

fluff

fluff

that neat stuff

that turns rough exteriors

into a soft places to rest a while

leaving us feeling a little less inferior

cuz now we’ve got something to cushion the fall

the ethos of my love

forgive me

for i know not how to love

at least not the way poems tell you it should be done

or the feel-good hollywood way

all i can say is i’m sorry

to myself

for not finding this out sooner

the cat’s clawed its way out of the bag

spilling missiles 

of false selves and fragile egos

and as far as the ethos of my love goes

well,

it goes like this

i’ll always have my hands clenched in fists

and my sneakers on

fight

or 

flight

fight 

and 

flight

doesn’t matter how right it feels

my heels are already halfway to hesitation

i haven’t figured out how to love you 

without losing me

i wish i could love less

give less

want less

be less

but regardless

of this folly

i am

this

i am more

i want more

i deserve more

i give more than any woman in her right mind ever would

mind you

who said anything about a right mind?

the bottom line is

i love

and when i love, 

i love with all i’ve got

i pull out all the stops

and then some

i come undone before the fat lady’s sung

i become the disappearing woman in act two

until all that’s left is the “you” in this equation

can you blame me though?

for holding on this tight?

for not being able to sleep at night without touch?

when you think about the kind of love i’ve never known,

do you really think I’m asking for too much?

when every tender moment i’ve ever felt 

has slipped like grains of sand

through the hands of innocence

when every grown up who should’ve left a blueprint

of how this is supposed to unfurl

left me to bleed silent prayers

only to wake with swollen eyes and fear-soaked curls

i’m asking you hear me

to hold my hand and guide back to my path

and when i’m unable to tell myself the truth

i’m leaving that to you

to whisper

hope

and

solitude

remind me

this isn’t about 

you

that the only way out

is the way i came in

and if i’m ever to love

it 

must

start

from

within 

glass slipper and a howling heart

midnight has come

so have i

to the conclusion that some eyes are better left undotted

unless you've spotted the moon's metaphor 

long before the hand strikes

the likes of which are far and few

yet somehow i always knew i'd find my place under the sun

for every glass slipper there is the one perfect fit

and for every battered belief there is a tiny slit across the left ventricle

higher pressure

more muscular

thicker blood

thirstier flesh

do you dare look into darkness seeking light?

or dip your tongue into the chaos of the night?

only the brave few

surrender

as the earth bends herself into prostration

approaching her perihelion

elliptical orbit

fashioning seasons out of stardust

swaddling intimacy in layers of lust

the heart howls as the moon’s womb swells 

bearing the distance between heaven and hell

two days

my lips navigate this heart 

through torrential pain

seeking to relearn the motions once again

i mouth your words

mostly in silence at night

when i’m too tired to fight

and too afraid to lose sight of why I surrender my fears into midnight’s mourning

why 

has become a dirty word

in every peek i sneak of my scars you bleed 

your eyes are heard

i close mine

begging my mind to stop the rhyme

searching for the button that might break time’s hold

to loosen the grip just a bit

so i can fold myself back into you till Dawn deliberates 

i run my fingers

up and down

my ache

i fake pleasure

i mistake moments for an eternity

my limbs take turns

scouring memories

staving off starvation

it hasn’t even been a whole two days

let it go

when the walls come tumbling down
resist the urge to the sound the alarm
disarm the need to control
the soul, unattended, always knows where it's next meal is coming from
let it go
let love do what it does when hands are tied
let the mind abide by no rules
only fools feast before the fast
nothing lasts forever
everything lasts for now

home

when the sparks from a new found love start to settle, and shared moments of stillness are what you look forward to the most, 

it's time to undress

it's time to undress our souls, unveil the dark holes, reveal the last few secrets that hold us by the throat, knowing there is no going back

cuz if this is real enough, and we're both brave enough to love ourselves enough to feel enough, the comfort we provide one another, is more than enough

enough to call the bluff of the inner child, threatening to scatter the neatly piled stack of fears, tantruming terrified tears, we switch gears

to make love last, till scars fade real fast, we stand our insecurities in rows, and like dominoes, the intensity grows till it's time to begin again

looking into each other, shining scuffed mirrors, surrendering our shields and spheres, the war's over, it's time to go home

broken mirror

there are moments I sit completely bare/ completely still/ in the sun/ with my pain/ by the pane/ eyes closed/ heart open/ and I listen/

hair flowing down my back/ tears flowing down my cheeks/ down my chest/ I rest my soul in thoughts carried away on the gentle breeze/ I release/

I breathe in the sweetness of wholeness/ of love/ of light/ of faith/ embracing my fears with the courage only a woman can know/ i exhale/

limbs light/ heart a flight/ I set sail/ hear the distant wail of a small child/ a girl/ getting louder and clearer/ she begs to be heard/ I turn to her

I hold out my hand/ we tremble/ sadness weighing her eyes/ she doesn't recognize me/ she doesn't realize I'm breaking glass to set her free/

sometimes you have to stop mid-poem/ to breathe/ to look your child in the eye/ to tell yourself it's okay to cry/ to love and be loved/

you see/ the poem never ends/ it's a collection of your perfect gems/ threaded on the finest threads of life/ your life/ the rhyme can wait/

cuz the truth is/ we hesitate/ to reach a little deeper inside/ we all contemplate/ finding that perfect place to hide/ till we grow up/